toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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