i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
