you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
