I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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