I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Actions speak louder than pants.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
