heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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