Is it because I queefed?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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