he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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