I hate all girls vehemently.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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