I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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