Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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