HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
