he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
