You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
