the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
