Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
sarcasm needs its own font
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
