i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
