I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
