You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
