I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
