Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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