How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
