similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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