i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
