who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
