You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
