he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
