You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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