I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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