SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
