Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
