thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
