i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
People in love make me want to vomit
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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