Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
