Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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