We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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