i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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