in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
