Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
