And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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