im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We had to coat check the pizza.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
