My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
