I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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