I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
