In the future we'll all be gay
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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