I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
