what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
