you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
