I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize