His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
