I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
