so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my being single is dangerous.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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