Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
