I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Pooping to opera.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
