ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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