sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize