what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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