Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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