So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
