goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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