dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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