Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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