Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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