At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
