wrigley field is MILF paradise
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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