Got a toothbrush?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize