You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
