No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
