so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
