you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
